My Voice
In the world of social media, where everyone’s life seems laid out in perfect frames and captions, my reality was a world apart. When I started sharing online, it was about connection, expression, and, maybe, finding a bit of myself through others' stories. But as time passed, I found myself wrapped up in situations that weren’t just draining but deeply traumatic. The decision to step away from social media and my blog was one I didn’t take lightly, and it was a journey of self-protection, self-discovery, and, ultimately, self-reclamation.
My story is one of survival through profound pain and turbulence. I faced public assault by a man who would later take his own life. I dealt with years of being stalked by my own father, living in fear of the next inevitable confrontation or manipulative move he would make to draw me back into his life. For years, the anxiety and depression stemming from these experiences became my closest, uninvited companions. I struggled with the unnerving feeling of eyes always on me, the constant attacks from a figure who should have been a source of support but instead became a source of dread.
The traumatic echoes of these experiences lingered. The police delivered five separate court summonses, initiated by my father, who managed to manipulate the system against me. Each instance re-triggered my PTSD, not just from the legal ordeal but from a pattern of hurtful manipulation. I spent years in a toxic relationship, enduring verbal, physical, emotional, and mental abuse. The world became a place that felt unsafe and stifling, filled with people ready to scrutinize, belittle, and tear down the small pieces of peace I had fought so hard to build.
As I dealt with these challenges, self-confidence was something I could barely grasp. I had no foundation, no support system that instilled a belief in myself, my work, or even in how I looked. Each attempt to rekindle my voice through my blog was met with a wall of criticism, negativity, or, worse, manipulation by people who wanted to pull me back into the darkness I was trying to escape. Over and over, it felt like I was climbing only to be dragged down by judgment, insecurity, or hostility from those around me.
Through it all, I realized that the world around me wasn’t going to change, so I had to. I decided to devote myself to healing, taking almost seven years to rebuild from the inside out. I focused on my mental health, explored interests, and found small joys that nourished me. I learned to appreciate my deeply sensitive and empathetic nature, even as it sometimes made me feel vulnerable or overly affected by the world. I realized I don’t need to change that part of me, but rather, I could develop the courage to speak out, no matter how others reacted.
People I once trusted called my empathy and perspective "child’s play." They diminished my words, my career, and my experiences, labeling them insignificant. But in time, I saw it wasn’t because of a lack within me but rather the intimidation of encountering someone who stands firm in her truth. For the first time, I can say I am okay with being intimidating. I now understand that the people who mocked, silenced, or discredited me simply couldn’t stand the strength of a voice I hadn’t even fully realized.
Leaning on the traditional paths of therapy and medical pharmaceuticals, I took ownership of my healing. I learned not just to cope with the behaviors and anxieties inflicted upon me but to use them. I wanted to reclaim my voice — not to shout into the void, (although screaming in the woods may heal me) but to find purpose, to share my wisdom, my empathy, and the resilience I’ve nurtured in the face of life’s greatest trials. After all, my name means wisdom, and I am finally seeing that wisdom emerge in the choices I make, in the relationships I cultivate, and in the quiet strength I carry.
Returning to my blog, to my voice, feels like reclaiming a piece of myself that was stolen long ago. This time, I am not here for validation or acceptance from others. I am here for me. This time, I am here to share the truth that I have fought hard to uncover and to help others who might be on their own journeys. The beauty of finally using my voice is that it’s now strengthened by a profound empathy and wisdom I carry for others, but also, and maybe most importantly, for myself.
So, I’m here to share — openly, honestly, and unapologetically. And I welcome you along this journey.
